Monday, November 23, 2009

The Real SL Conspiracy!

I'm tired of people creating imaginary conspiracies and blaming them for all the weird stuff that happens in SL. I mean really....

  • IBM? ... amateurs
  • Open grids? ... children's toys for geeks who want to be the next Esteemed Dictator
  • Fashion Blogs? ... well maybe if more than 32 people read them

The truth is that there is only one real, viable, well organized conspiracy targeting the residents of SecondLife. That conspiracy is the Hidden Intent to Promote Paranoia and Obedience (or as we like to refer to it ... HIPPO). We're still laughing at all the people who believed LL's explanation for the prevalence of that term in SecondLife.

How do I know about this conspiracy you might ask? I'm part of it. Canadians are at the centre of most of the world's truly great conspiracies because we're very, very good at them.

You also might wonder how it is I can feel free to reveal these secrets. Frankly, we know you won't believe me. It's that simple. But your lack of belief does not negate our impact nor does it make us any less successful.

Without revealing everything (some things you just don't want to know) allow me to give you a few bits of basic information about HIPPO.

  • The conspiracy is very old and has been in operation for centuries. Canadians joined soon after our part of the world got semi-organized and we've been members of the Supreme Cabal ever since. Online games never caught our interest but the idea of a virtual world was appealing. This is why we joined SecondLife at the very beginning of its development. Understand that our history and experience make us experts at what we do.

  • We don't mess around inworld. Griefers are like the pickpockets of the criminal underground, annoying little mosquitoes but ultimately not important. HIPPO is closer to the Bilderberg Group (although we're much more powerful). We have found the most efficacious approach is to target the blogosphere. Not because hundreds of thousands of SL residents read the damn things, but if you can get a few bloggers riled up they take it to twitter, plurk, forums and inworld to their groups. You can create mass hysteria very quickly.

  • Our methodology is simple - we sow the seeds of fear in those more inclined to paranoia already and allow them to sweep others along like proverbial lemmings. One of the most effective divisions in our organization is called the "Yes Everything is Always All About You Team" (MeMeMe for short). The people who work in this area are geniuses! They identify those individuals with slight personality disorders coupled with self esteem which requires them to be seen as the center of the universe or font of all wisdom. These targeted individuals are carefully nurtured and subtly educated until they are ready to be left on their own.

    If you see a blogger who is angry at least 90% of the time, foams at the mouth and is always convinced that somebody somewhere is out to get them.....well that person is one of our success stories. We have a rl/sl wall of fame that would bring tears to your eyes it's so beautiful.

We at HIPPO are very easy to please. Every time somebody shouts "The sky is falling!" or "The end is near!" we open a 30 year old bottle of Scotch and toast our success.

You may have noticed that I have not mentioned why HIPPO was created or what our ultimate purpose might be. Well I'm not going to tell you. I will say that all of the massive paranoid movements of the past few hundred years (and yes the ones in SecondLife are included in that group) are merely rehearsals for the really big event. If you want a hint - notice that having people absorbed with latest paranoid fantasy is a good way to distract them from what is actually happening. And that's all I can say for the moment.

I need to go open another bottle of Scotch.

11 comments:

Raul Crimson said...

I always knew that HIPPO thing was an old plan, organized maybe just after the discovery of America by Columbus to have the control over the world using for it a virtual world predicted by Plato... ;-)

Honour said...

shhhhhhhh Raul!

Chestnut Rau said...

Honour, you are a genius. This post is hilarious!

Wait. I bet that is just what you want me to think, right?

See? Genius I tell you !

Honour said...

/me sips her Scotch and smiles.

Imnotgoing Sideways said...

There is no such thing as HIPPO and anyone who continues to perpetuate this rumor will be taken care of. (^_^)y

Dale Innis said...

Yeah, I definitely don't believe this! Not one bit, nuh-uh! And you shouldn't either!

Honour said...

/me pours another glass of Scotch.

Anonymous said...

This is just the sort of cynical and devious scheme the Soviets would've cooked up.

Honour said...

/me hopes nobody reads comments by anonymous people...

ahuva18 said...

I have to agree with Dale, I think, although I realize that is a VERY dangerous place to be. *grin* But see- Canadians are simply TOO NICE to construct any conspiracy. Because modifying another person's behavior is NOT nice, and therefore a Canadian could NOT do it. Had you told me the conspiracy was based in New Jersey - well yeah, that I could buy completely.

Honour said...

/me raises glass in air for a toast (well we have at least one person completely fooled)