The Finale of the Avatar Games 2011 in Second Life

The Avatar Games Trophy

Yesterday was the finale of the first (and perhaps only) season of the Avatar Games.  8 of the eligible finalists ran the course - but there were some changes made.  First of all Bryn reversed the course so they started at, what had been, the finish and ran down the hill to the former "start".  She added an additional refrackenbackem and a lot of trap cages and she had the bridge over the cess pool rotate.  The only new rule was that anybody jumping off a cliff to speed their journey would be orbited.

You know things couldn't go smoothly, this has been a twilight-zonish experience from the beginning and yesterday was just plain weird.  The start was delayed when we found the contestants arriving at the finish line - the old start landmark. That took a while to sort out and for some reason a lot of really good suggestions thrown at them were ignored by the Powers That Be. 

Contestant #1 disappeared approaching the first turn.  We thought maybe Bryn was being a stickler and detected some foot fault and orbited him.  Contestant #2 vanished just before the finish line.  We couldn't figure out what happened to him.  Then there was a delay followed by a shout in chat. It turned out they'd left damage enabled and we'd murdered the first two runners.  sigh

Crap kept channeling Vera Lynn and a large contingent of french speaking audience members, with fine musical taste, rebelled.  Another member of the audience found a terrific old tune he really liked and decided to broadcast on voice.  I hid behind the curtains. It all got done in the end - but I was exhausted and I'm pretty sure Crap's medications had worn off.

I have to congratulate Bryn Oh on her build, Sasun Steinbeck on her scripts, Taralyn Gravois and Galea Yates for their work wrangling the contestants, Geo Meek for livestreaming and ColeMarie Soleil for her randomness. I also want to thank our audience who tolerated us and encouraged us and couldn't shoot for sh*t.  

In spite of months of abuse; forcing me to listen to him eat all types of comestibles on mic; working on Words With Friends, Twitter, emails, Facebook and Plurk instead of focusing on the runners; the day he ran (shall we say) "under the weather"; the constant denigration of both my professionalism and the nobility of our endeavour; I might, perhaps, in a while have some fond memories of working with Crap Mariner.  My agent owes me big time for this one.

Oh yes, the winner of the trophy and the prize of L$15,000 was Fei (Bourdeille) Feice with a time of 1 min 28 sec.  Congratulations to Fei and everybody who challenged themselves and this sadistic course.  I really hope to see you all again at a future games and I have no idea what I'll do now with those spare hours every week.

A Tough Day at the Avatar Games Office in Second Life

Recovering from The Avatar Games (moderate)

I had great hopes when Avatar Games was about to launch and I described with some dismay the reality of what should have been a fabulous historically significant athletic endeavour.  I have to report that things have just gotten weirder.

There was the day that Zed Linden competed and carried his own gun to shoot not only back at the audience but at the other competitors.  In fact Crap joined him at the conclusion of the group run and we witnessed the bizarre sight of these two and others chasing each other around the course in complete violation of all the rules.

Then there is the Linden Angel who decided to take a position above the course and on occasion plucks one of the contestants up into the air and vanishes.  They are usually returned but none are willing to speak about the experience.

We talk about the way each of the athletes demonstrate perseverance but we have one who start out 3 months ago and still hasn't crossed the finish line.  We cling to the hope that Filthy Fluno will find his way to the end zone.

Yesterday things descended about as far as they could go.  Two couples staked out territory in the stands and decided to demonstrate their new sex pose balls.  We sent people over to the pair under the bleachers to point out we were all talking about them and some videos were being made.  They didn't care.  Then some audience members joined them. They didn't seem to mind that either. Things went downhill from there. I expect this to be the first time in history a Linden sim gets shut down for violating the maturity ratings.

The good news is that the inaugural series of Avatar Games ends in about 3 weeks.  Things can't get much more ridiculous.  Can they?  Find out for yourself next Monday at 4:00 pm slt, one of the last three events to be held this season. I'm going to try and recover from today's mayhem.

The Madness that is Avatar Games in Second Life

Avatar Games (moderate)

There is a new blood sport in Second Life.  My 89 year old mother is pushing her walker around this morning muttering about hockey "goons" (if you know me you can figure out who the bad guys are in this scenario).  I, on the other hand, am trying to recover from the inaugural running of the LEA Avatar Games.

I was contracted to provide colour commentary for the event.  This was to be expected as I am the world's foremost authority on the beauty, tradition and history of this wonderful athletic endeavour.  I was thrilled to be involved and looked forward to educating those who had heretofore been ignorant of the subtle nuances and special skills involved in succeeding at this extraordinary physical challenge.  sigh

Avatar Games (moderate)

For those of you poor benighted fools unfamiliar with its genesis, the Avatar Games are a modern recreation of and homage to an actual historical event.  Unlike the whimpy marathon, which was born when some guy went cross country jogging,  these Games honour those who sacrificed their lives to save the planet and civilization from a homicidal extra terrestrial threat.  Those brave souls, who were previously incarcerated in an institution for the mentally deranged, did not falter or hesitate when faced with great peril and are the reason we are able to enjoy the liberty and lag we do today.

I have included all of the details of this under reported conflict in my upcoming book "The True Heroes of the Cesspool Wars". Look for it where all the better books are sold.

Avatar Games (moderate)

As I mentioned earlier, it was my duty to bring this history and an understanding of the serious importance of this momentous occasion to the masses.  Unfortunately my agent didn't inform me that I would be sharing the booth with a play by play announcer named Crap Mariner and a (supposed) expert on sports in the social network called Lauren Weyland.  It proved extremely difficult to convey the necessary gravitas when all my instincts screamed to send them to their rooms without supper. However, I stiffened my spine and took inspiration from my heroes and persevered.

Then there was the audience.  I foolishly expected that those who attended were there to admire the strength, agility and grace of the elite athletes challenging the course.  Who could fail to be inspired by a wooden doll refusing to give up at the "Wall" and fighting on until he had conquered?  Which of them could not be awed by the gritty determination required to escape the hidden cages or thrilled by that triple Salchow performed in mid air above the Refrakembacken?

Avatar Games (moderate)

Bryn Oh has done a remarkable job of building a course which reflects all that was shining and noble about our historical saviours.  It is a true test for these athletes and they appreciated the opportunity to display their skills and justify all their hard work and training.  She has also provided the audience with a Giant Wallopper to allow them to shoot at the contestants, thus recreating the real threats faced by our warriors.  Unfortunately things got a little out of hand.

Just as in the actual battles, the good guy does not always win and the clock does not lie.  I'm sure that Bryn will be able to rebuild the seating area in time for next week's event but I hope they do a better job of screening for personality disorders first.  If you are a true student of history I hope to see you there on Monday at 4:00 pm slt.  In the meantime I plan to have a serious talk with my agent. 

Avatar Games (moderate)