Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Rough Justice in Second Life

There I was sitting on the roof of my Linden Home sorting inventory (cue angelic music and the image of a halo over my head) when I received the following IM:

  • Newbie Alt: Your unamerican ravings shouldn't be allowed and you should be banned.
  • Me: My what?
  • Newbie Alt: you are anti-democratic!
  • Me: I'm not anti-democratic...I'm a Canadian.
  • Newbie Alt: doesn't matter

The person then logged off leaving me to ponder the concept of "unamerican" and conduct research on the topic. As I perused the various definitions and permutations available I realized I had a visitor.

His/her name was Sputum. No really it was (I doubt s/he gets many dates with that hanging over his/her head).

  • Me: Welcome! Can I help you?
  • Sputum: You will come with me.
  • Me: ?
  • Sputum: You will come with me now.
  • Me: Where? and what if I don't want to?
  • Sputum: To the Second Life Halls of Justice to answer charges. And if you won't come willingly my friend Trixie will persuade you.

That's a Trixie? This thing was 8m tall. I counted 23 gun barrels and at least half a dozen large razor-sharp pincers before I found myself teleported away (how do they do that?).

I arrived in this strange cavern where I waited for what seemed like hours. I couldn't stand up or tp away and kept expecting to hear the theme song from the Twilight Zone. It didn't start playing but I did finally hear a quiet cough.

"I'll be your lawyer for these proceedings."

An ostrich named Gertrude is going to be my lawyer?

  • Me: What is this place? What are the charges? Are you any good?
  • Gertrude: We are in the holding cell in the Second Life Halls of Justice where the final and absolute determination of guilt and innocence is made in this world. You have been charged with unamerican activities. This is my first case but I've read all the books.

Well that filled me with confidence. Gertrude didn't say anything else - even when prompted and so the two of us waited in silence. After what felt like another few hours Trixie showed up and motioned with her various lethal appendages for us to follow her.

I was directed to stand on a dais suspended hundreds of meters in the air (Gertrude took her damn time getting there it should be noted). A voice out of nowhere boomed (and echoed) throughout the chamber announcing the arrival of Chief Justice McCartherops (at this point I'm thinking stuff that shouldn't be printed on a PG blog).

A puff of smoke (geez they like theater in the Halls of Justice) and he appears.

A giant bug. I'm about to be tried by a giant bug. A really really really ugly giant bug.

  • Chief Justice McCartherops: You are charged with unamerican activities. How do you plead?
  • Me: I'm a Canadian.
  • Chief Justice McCartherops: That is irrelevant. Are you now or have you ever been a member of the TechnoCommunist Party?
  • Me: You're making that up!
  • Chief Justice McCartherops: You will answer or I will instruct the bailiff to enforce summary judgement.

I turned to ask Gertrude if she had anything to say or suggest.

I don't think she likes bugs.

  • Me: I don't belong to any party and certainly not to something called the TechnoCommunist party.
  • Chief Justice McCartherops: You coders are all alike. You think we don't know what you're up to? You think this court will turn a blind eye to your machinations and devious plots?
  • Me: I'm a Canadian not a coder. I couldn't code my way out of the proverbial paper bag!

The "Chief Justice" seemed a trifle agitated.

  • Chief Justice McCartherops: You have disseminated seditious material, anti democratic and unamerican in nature. You have presented no defense (Gertrude whimpered) and leave us with no recourse. I convict you of all charges and sentence you to the ultimate sanction.
  • Me: ? What the hell is that?

Sputum peered out from around a pillar:

  • Sputum: It's Trixie!

Trixie? 8m tall Trixie with enough weapons to take on an army and the personality of a broken tea kettle? That Trixie?

It wasn't pretty and it wasn't quick. My alt had to come inworld to take the final photo.

I bet the members of the FIC don't have to put up with this kind of stuff.





Credit for the Halls of Justice goes to Alex Bader for his Skye {Veralarti} Space Castle and to Alpha Point for the scene of the ultimate sanction.


Chestnut Rau said...


/me applauds

R. said...

Heh. Indeed.


Honour McMillan said...

Thank you both :)

Anonymous said...

This is outrageously smug, not to mention cynical and tendentious and, yes, viciously hateful! Tut tut.

Honour McMillan said...

All that? wow! :)

Mailman said...

Confused, amused, scared. Thank you, I think!

Honour McMillan said...

LOL :)

cyberloom said...

Marvelous! I had a couple of moments with this post wondering if I needed to round up a posse of avatars to come and rescue you.

I often think we are all much too pedestrian about Second Life. Botgirl travelled the furthest using SL to create ‘her’ persona whilst spinning a ripping yarn. The irony of Botgirl was her creator became part of the story (how wild is that?) Just be careful Honour!

Honour McMillan said...

I have your number on speed dial :)